Damn, I’m high on life.
will be filled with new experiences.
I will be moving to Richmond and going to Virginia Commonwealth University!
I will be turning 21 and going to Las Vegas!
I will be attending Bonnaroo Music/Arts festival in Tennessee.
And I will try to be positive and make the best out of situations and see the best in people.
A short paper I did on myself for a psych class.
Who Am I?
I try to be optimistic, but I also consider myself a realist when I analyze situations logically. I tend to be overly optimistic with my view on life. This leads me to be disillusioned and disappointed a lot, and because of this, I have become a bit cynical of the world. My general affect is positive. I believe in the golden rule, to treat others as I myself would like to be treated. I believe this has led me to be very empathetic, as well as sympathetic. I have an easy time seeing situations from the perspectives of everyone. This is hard, though, because sometimes I take on the problems of those I love and let them affect me as if they were my own. I value trust and honesty deeply; I try to extend those traits to everyone around me. I also have no tolerance for liars. I have high morals and I try my best to uphold them, even in the most difficult times. I am very proud, to a fault perhaps. My pride blinds me, sometimes, and makes me stubborn to accept answers and offers that I know are beneficial. I do know what it feels like to be mistreated and ostracized, so I try to be kind to everyone. Unless I have been scorned, in which case I can be very cold and unforgiving: another fault.
I believe myself to be introverted. I prefer the company of few close friends, or even to be alone is comforting. I like to be at ease and do things that I know well. In a sense, I am extroverted, too, because I enjoy meeting new people, having new experiences, and learning from those things. However, these things cause me much anxiety. I like to think of myself as aware. I am self-conscious, sometimes to a fault. I range between worrying too much, about what others think, to dismissing them entirely. I believe I am an O.K. judge of character. Really, I base my perceptions of individuals on their actions: how they treat others and me. I also like to pretend not to pay attention, because I know that when people have an audience they act differently. I enjoy genuine people, words, and actions. I try not to judge people based on rumors, because I know personally how hard it is to make an accurate description of a person. I am slightly cautious when it comes to relationships, be it personal or romantic. I think this has led me to be a loner. I think I am very intelligent and have a lot of potential. I am also lazy and I enjoy instant gratification, so I become discouraged easily. I never give up on things I desire, though. I think I give myself too much credit, and then again, not enough.
I enjoy reading and writing. I would like people to read my work, but at the same time, I am pompous enough to believe that some people would not appreciate its glory. I can apply this to my relationships with people. I want to show people who I am to my core, and that is why I believe in being genuine. However, I am cynical because I do not think people will get me. Alternatively, maybe I am just afraid that people will understand, and see through all my veils, and dislike me more for it. I think I am lighthearted in most matters. I try not to take myself too seriously. Still, I think of myself in high-esteem, so it gets hard to balance modesty and pride. I do tend to be serious, though, compared to my peers. I am always the person talking about social issues or philosophy. I am bored and frustrated, not as an affect, but because I cannot find peers that are interested in the same deep thinking that I am. I am also desperately grasping at the hope that I am not alone in my thoughts, but instead, I am looking for those people in the wrong places.
I believe, like most things in life, that I am a duality. I am introverted and extroverted. I am feeling and thinking. I am self-righteous as well as self-defeating. I am kind and cold. I am confident yet self-conscious. I am happy and sad, peaceful and angry. I believe possessing conflicting traits has helped me to understand people, because I can relate and see both sides of the same coin.
I have never known you, no,
but, (if you will allow your colorful, Artist’s mind to imagine)
the magnetic force which I feel
inside my cold, polar soul,
drags me through days and daze
My bones ache:
hard, brown limbs of Earth reaching
for your sweet Sun warmth
through layers of ice and dirty snow,
only to find you
hidden behind impassable grey clouds…
So dreary. So far away.
Lovely Star-Child, we are each other.
Made mortal and fallible, and still,
I would risk the ascent into space
if only to burst
into an uncountable chaos of
at your first heavenly embrace.
Never asking much,
for fear of ripping the
taut, false skin-mask which holds me together.
But can you not hear my
carnal, wanton desire screaming
in lust from within?
Light of my life, fire of my loins.
Feeling better everyday, and I mean that in a physical, as well as emotional and spiritual sense. I realize that life is challenging. If it were not, than it wouldn’t be worth it. It wouldn’t be so satisfying to overcome these obstacles and hurdles.
Everyone suffers. All you can do as a fallible and imperfect human is understand that, and try to ease that suffering. Show generosity and compassion. Be selfless and offer peace instead of conflict.
In the midst of these cold winter months, you must let the warmth radiate from within you.